You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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