if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
