I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
