I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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