im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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