Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
