Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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