Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
