Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
