before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
