so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
