u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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