He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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