Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
