my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
