What a fucking waste of an outfit
just tell him i said nine months
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
