there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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