Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
