There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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