Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
