Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
