Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
