He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
