ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
