god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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