You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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