Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
