the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
