I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
