My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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