I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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