if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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