I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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