Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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