Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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