your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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