I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
