hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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