u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
