My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
