Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
