If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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