My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
