yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
