You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
