Where is the hickey?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
