Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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