i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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