Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
