he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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