Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
